Friday, February 8, 2008

Isaiah Thomas: The Jack of All Trades

Okay, so it’s not exactly a timely issue. Shoot me. It’s a fact that people have known for quite a while. Isaiah Thomas is bad at a lot of things: being a general manager, being a coach, and being a respectful person in general. He was a great player in his day, but ever since he left the court, it’s been a downhill ride for him. Not that I would really want to talk to him, but if I did, I could give him a few words of encouragement. No, I’m not saying I agree with the way he’s run the Knicks into the ground, coached them like crap, or sexually harassed his coworkers. But, not everything is bad in his life right now.

“Chin up, buttercup,” I would say, to poke a little fun at his prior mistakes both on the court and on the rear of the lady he groped. Then, I would remind him that he is quite the business man. I’m sure the idea he’s marketing right now is a golden egg that’s about to hatch. Any day now, those sales will shoot up like a heroin addict into his arm. I’m not making this up. Believe it or not, Isaiah Thomas is a salesman, and I’m not talking about the drastic measures I’m sure he’s had to take for his job (or the ones he’s had to blow off). He owns a real money maker: he sells popcorn. You thought I was being sarcastic, didn’t you?

That’s right. Dale & Thomas Popcorn, the multi-million dollar popcorn franchise, is partially owned by Isaiah Thomas. I’ve put money in the Knicks coach’s pocket myself. I love the Hall of Fame Kettle Corn they sell in Faneuil Hall. They have plenty of other intriguing flavors to choose from, and other snacks too. I’m not really a fan of Isaiah the GM, Isaiah the coach, or Isaiah the person, but Isaiah the popcorn guy is pretty tight.

Thomas, the popcorn connoisseur, started the company up from scratch with one other guy, and now he’s rolling in the dough. He doesn’t really need any of his positions with the Knicks anymore. The Knicks fans and media have already made him assume the position enough. His pride may be totally gone, but he’ll always have a bucket of fresh Cinnamon Crème Drizzlecorn to munch on. Yum.

1 comment:

  1. the clown didn't start the company, homeboy. he smelled the popcorn coming from its times square score, stopped in, saw some milk chocolate drizzled corn and said: "hey, i'm an all-star. i want to buy this place." although he was probably (secretly) thinking... "i'm an old has-been who's lived in detroit for the past two decades, molesting women, and want to eat popcorn in new york the rest of my life."

    i digress. you're right about him being the jack of all trades - his evil popcorn empire, the depressing knicks and don't forget - friend of the females. isaiah thomas - a high class clown.