The Beginning of the End

For my first post in this blog, I figured I'd start off with a bang. I wish I knew what that bang was at this point. I was always more of a late bloomer. Anyway, here's some stuff I had written before that will be a great intro to my style. Who am I kidding? These articles are all over the place in style, and some of my later ones will vary in the topic too. That's the way it should be. I consider myself a renaissance man of writing, whether it be sports, comedy, drama, memoirs, or haikus. As most of you (hopepfully) know, I'm an avid Boston sports fan, and I tend to have some radical (though often logical) opinions of our teams. Whether it's proposing the Celtics dump Doc Rivers and Danny Ainge or the Sox NOT trade Manny, they don't seem too ridiculous to me. Maybe I'm not so crazy after all. I wrote a few articles in January to submit to Boston University's Daily Free Press for my application as a weekly columnist. Here's article 1.a. from my application packet:

Mack Simms: Rucker Extraordinaire

(NOTE: Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

Mack Simms is not your typical BU freshman. Mack used his amazing cunning and smooth moves to land himself a spot in a suite at 1019 Comm. Ave. as just a first year student. It is there that he has dominated the competition in every sport he plays, whether it’s in-suite wiffle ball, dorm soccer, or the eternal sign of greatness, Sweet Tart Basketball. Don’t let his charming looks fool you. He’s athletic. He’s smart. He’s strong. He’s manly. He’s an aspiring student in the College of Arts and Sciences, and an inspiration to millions. Mack Simms is the real deal.

The first thing Mack did when he came to Boston University was sign up for FYSOP. During the week before classes, Mack helped protect the environment in Massachusetts. “Giving back to the community is good stuff,” Simms said. “It really pumps me up and makes me feel good inside.”

Mack was named by his parents for the incredible macking skills he had out of the womb. He claims it’s a lot easier to attract girls than you’d think. “The ladies really can’t resist ‘Enter Sandman’. It’s a great way to show them that you’re not afraid of the dark,” Simms said.

Renaissance man Mack Simms is great with words, music, and schoolwork. However, his forte is anything that involves raised levels of adrenaline. Simms is an avid snowboarder, frequent gym-goer, Sweet Tart Basketball Challenge winner, and a forward on the BU Rugby team. He is also an exclusive member of the Cote Invitational Football Tournament, where he displays his athletic prowess on the gridiron.

“I like playing everywhere on the field,” Simms said. “I enjoy playing any and every position because it’s good to share responsibility and the ball. I’m a pretty sick player, so I help the team out a lot.”

In the beginning of the school year, Mack introduced himself and was immediately loved by all. “Living with him is an inspiration,” current roommate Payton Young said. “He opened my heart to the sport of rugby. Mack makes me a better person.”

Mack is one of the few freshmen to have a shot at making the A team for rugby, after an impressive fall season. He is a forward for the team, also known as a rucker. (When a team member has the ball but is on the ground, the ruckers make sure the ball is not taken from them.) He is also a jumper on line-outs (the rugby version of a free kick). He had zero points last season, and looks to improve on that total in the spring.

“I’m kind of a big shot,” Simms said of himself on the field. “I love working with my team too though, if they’re sick at rugby. Points aren’t really important to me, mostly because I didn’t get any.”

When he’s not practicing rugby or working out to train for it, you can catch Mack on the ski slopes if you’re lucky. “I’m a big snowboarder. Nothing’s better than shredding some powder, whether it be at Mount Okemo or Mount Vesuvius,” Mack said.

Of Mack’s incredible boarding skills, his friend, Xander Livestrong said, “He may not be Shaun White, but he’s the face of snowboarding to me.” Xander has never seen Mack snowboard.

Another testament to Simms’ versatility is his dominance of the Sweet Tart Basketball Challenge. In the aforementioned challenge, one has to throw packages of sweet tarts into a small candy cauldron from five feet away. Mack dominated the competition, winning five of the 14 rounds in a group of four fierce competitors. “I really couldn’t take it. He got in my head,” suitemate Craig Hinkle recalled. “He’s the best in his sport, and every sport is his sport.”

What’s the secret to Mack’s success, you may ask?

Peanut butter sandwiches. Those tasty treats are a simple solution to achieve Simmsean excellence.

“I love peanut butter sandwiches. They’re pretty much a staple to my diet. The protein helps me when I work out, and they’re totally delicious! I probably eat three or four everyday,” Simms said.

So there you have it. Eating just a few sandwiches with Jiff, the choosy moms’ brand of peanut butter and some Canadian white bread, you can be just like my hero, Mack Simms.